Redoing the past.
We all have made mistakes. We all have regrets. We all wish we could redo the past, but we cannot. Sometimes the closest thing we can do to redo the past is to redo our errors the right way in an attempt make our apologies meaninful and genuine. In addition, we may redo our errors in order to to undo the damage that we have caused. However we need to know when to choose to fix our mistakes and when to leave certain faux pas in the past. Sometimes, we need to just let certain things go, never revisit them, and move on with our lives.
Weird.
I am perplexed. There are certain people here on the Internet forums I post on who have gotten irritated, angered, and annoyed at me several times. When they I announced that I would get professional help to change for them, they said that I should not change for them, but I should change for myself and myself alone. It just boggles my mind. It seemed to me that people would welcome my plans, because I would eventually irritate them yet at the same time they do not want me change because they feel that I am doing it for the wrong reason. In fact, in the past some of them said that I should change if I want people in general to treat me better and less critically. I am wondering lots of things. When people are hostile towards me are they solely expressing anger without wanting me to change? Do people not want me to change so that they can laugh at me at my expense? If people complain and don’t want me to change, then why do they complain? Why complain about something if you do not want to request or compel a change?
How to pick between two psychologists/counselors
You may have read my blog posts about how at my college one day I saw a counselor and a psychologist the next week. The counselor’s name was Ms. Lauren L. Johnston. The psychologist’s name was Dr. Ed Baranowski. At this point I am unsure whom I should schedule further meetings with. I had intended to see Dr. Baranowski this week for a second meeting, but I forgot our time and day, showed up to his office only to see that he was not there, and my calls to him went unanswered. I attempted to call Ms. Johnston, but I was put on hold and somehow my cellphone just dropped the call.Now, I need to decide whom to get into contact to again, and whom to see regularly.I saw Ms. Johnston first. She is a white woman who is quite thin and looks to be in her late 20s at the very least (My guess about her age is based on her appearance and the fact that hold a Mater’s degree.). Her general demeanor was someone who is engaging and empathetic. Based on her voice, she was not just asking me how I feel, but it felt like she was saying, “I understand your struggle, and I want to be here for you.” Ms. Johnston asked me several questions. I told her that I am often afraid that people would find something that is wrong with me, and that people would want me to change, which is a thought that scares and distresses me; I also told her that my fear of change also causes conflict with my parents. I also told her that I am afraid of people mocking me. She told me that if people mock me, then they most likely have very little respect for other people.Ms. Johnston was the not person I originally wanted to see. When I had first called my school’s counseling department, I spoke with a Ms. Juhelia Thompson. On the phone, she had an empathetic voice much like Ms. Johnston. I told her that I feel disconnected from other people and like I do not belong. She said some words of comfort, and she also referred me to Dr. Baranowski a psychologist who occasionally sees clients in the school. He is not employed by the school and is not always there. I made several attempts to call Dr. Baranowski, but the calls went to his voicemail. I decided to call Ms. Thompson, but she did not answer her phone either, so I went to the counseling department, and was told that she was absent, so they asked Ms. Johnston to speak with me, which she did, and Ms. Johnston managed to get into contact with Dr. Baranowski who later called me, and we scheduled an appointment.Exactly a week after I saw Ms. Johnston, I met with Dr. Baranowski. He is a white man who is overweight, wears glasses, and appears to be in his 60s at the oldest. I told him much of what I told Ms. Johnston. He suggested that I could make friends by joining a club, such as bowling, or I could go out dancing. I also told him that I was having trouble looking for a job, and he offered to see if there are any openings available. Dr. Baranowski was different in demeanor from Ms. Johnston. He was more clinical (albeit not dry and emotionless). He noticed how my voice sounded and asked me if I was autistic, and I told him that my monotone voice is just force of habit and that I could change it with effort. (Later on after the appointment had ended I realized that my mother had told me that the reason why I went to a speech therapist in middle school was because of issues with speech auditory processing.) Ms. Johnston did not suspect that my voice was the result of something, but then again neither she nor Dr. Baranowski are probably qualified to do anything about speech problems.Now I need to decide how to choose. Ms. Johnston’s main strongpoint is her empathetic nature. Dr. Baranowski on the other hand is older and more experienced and has more credentials (a Doctorate.)
A psychologist was asked if I was autistic
At school, I saw a psychologist today. Among many topics, he asked me if I was autistic because he noticed that I speak with a lack of emotion and in a nasally manner. I told that I usually speak nasally and emotionless possibly because it is part of how I am afraid to open up to most people; subconsciously I possibly speak without emotions so that people cannot know what I am feeling; for the record, My voice was not like this before puberty. I also told him that I can change my voice it just I am more comfortable speaking the way that I do, and that changing my voice would require changing my habits of speaking. This reminds me of a time that someone in high school told me that I sound like I am mentally retarded.
I talked to one of the counselors at school.
She was really nice.I told her lots of things about myself, like how I am afraid of rejection and ridicule, and afraid of expressing myself, and afraid of generally opening myself to most people. She said that she understood, and that she has also dealt with social anxiety.She gave me this feeling that seemed like almost warmth. It is the feeling you get when someone is kind and attentive and engaging and empathetic.
Media Usage Log
Ellis Sutton 09/30/2011 Mass Communication Media Usage Log I think that I use a considerable amount of media per day. Due to not having any friends and my lack of a job, I have plenty of time to watch TV, play video games (which I do not do very often), use my phone, and use my laptop and/or netbook. IF I were to make a rough guess, I probably spend at most half of my waking hours using some sort of media. That would be a range of anywhere from 8 through 12 hours per day. I will keep track of the media I use on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. A) Cell Phone Use 1) Phone calls: 2 minutes (4 PM on Thursday) 2) Text messaging: 1 minute (2 PM on Thursday) 3) Internet Use: 6 hours (non-consecutively from 8AM to 9PM on Wednesday and Thursday of this week) 4) Other Application Use: 2 hours (non-consecutively from 8AM to 10PM on Wednesday and Thursday) B) Internet Computer/Internet Use 1) Word Processing: 1 hour (9PM-10PM on Thursday) 2) Web Use: 18 hours (3PM-11PM on Wednesday; 1PM-11PM on Thursday) 3) Blogging: 40 minutes (3PM on Wednesday and 8PM on Thursday) 4) Email: 5 hours (non-consecutively 8AM to 10PM on Wednesday and Thursday 5) Gaming: 0 hours C)Radio: 0 hours D) Television 1) Viewing: 6 hours (2PM-4PM and 6PM-9PM on Wednesday) 2) Video Games: 0 hours 3) DVDs: 0 hours E) Film: 0 Hours F) Print 1) Newspapers: 0 hours 2) Magazines: 0 hours 3) Books: 0 hours In conclusion, my media usage more or less turned out to be what I had expected it to be. It does seem rather excessive, but that is only because I have very few other things to do with my life.
Untitled
I started blogging a month or so ago. I wanted to see what it was like. Now, I have run out of stuff to say.
Secrets of WTC Shipwreck Unveiled
Beneath the rubble an archeological treasure trove.
Reader memories of 9/11: yingpow
“A man stopped us on the street & asked if we were American, then told us in a thick French accent, America got what it deserved.”
